The Sadhvi

Siddhananda: This one is a woman Sadhvi.

G: A Sadhvi, mmm ... (nodding intently).

Siddhananda: A Sadhvi. I can see her toothless. She's quite weather-beaten.

G: Yeah, it's a tough life.

Siddhananda: Yeah. She has grayer hair, but she's younger than she looks. She has something in her hand.

G: Trishul?

Siddhananda: Mm huh ...

G: Yeah.

Siddhananda: She's lived the Sadhvi life. She's a gritty woman (laughing). She's a ... jeez, man,  don't mess with her.

G: Yeah, to be a Sadhvi, you have to be a very strong woman to work and be able to endure in that lifestyle. It's very, very hard ... very hard on the form.

Siddhananda: Yeah, she's lived mostly outside, or near rocks ... caves.

G: Yeah, exactly. Most Sadhvis have to stay awake at night, and they sleep during the day.

Siddhananda: Hmm ... she says, "very little sleep."

G: Yeah, exactly. It's very dangerous for Sadhvi women. Yeah, I know ...  I understand.

Siddhananda: She is in form. She's traveled here psychically.

G: Okay.

Siddhananda: They're in some kind of Indian ... caves, you know ... remote.

G: Right.

Siddhananda: She's heard of us, and she has knowledge ... if she can help. It sounds like she's maybe not fully enlightened, but she's lived very traditionally, and if there's anything she can do to help ... that's all.

Sadhvi: I [have done] a lot of austerities ... eating very little ...

G: Mm Hmm ... keeping the Dhuni going.

Sadhvi: Oh, yes ... oh, yes!

Siddhananda: She lit up with that, and I can see that burning fire.

G: Yes. Yeah, because that's very, very important, in that you don't get very much sleep, because if you are alone, you have to keep that fire burning. That fire is representative of Shiva and burning away all of the dross, etcetera, etcetera.

Siddhananda: Yes! She's getting excited from you saying that, and that you understand, ...  and also, um ... (the overhead lights flicker and shut off)  ... interesting (laughing)!

G: Oh, that was interesting! The ... uh ... I think the power might have gone out.

Siddhananda: Interesting ... oh, well, hopefully we're still moving here ... but, um ... (taking in a deep inhalation, then sitting back, silent) ... (long pause) ... mm ...

G:  ... (long pause, sitting silently) ... Did we lose connection with her?

Siddhananda: No, there's just a deep stillness ... all pervading.

G:  There's a stillness ...  (the lights flicker back on) ... oh, okay.

Siddhananda:  (inhaling deeply) ... okay, now I can speak.

G: (chuckling)

Siddhananda: There was ...  I ... I just ... I couldn't speak ... it was just still.

G: We had stilling. Now we can [talk].

Siddhananda:  Now I can speak! It's like the energy is back to speak! Really!

G: (laughing with Siddhananda) That was interesting! The whole thing just ... we blew out the energy here into so much stillness that everything stilled, even the lights (laughing).

Siddhananda: Me, too! I honestly lost the energy to speak, and it was so still. So, now, it's coming back, ...  but there is ... yeah, okay ... so, I'm getting this connection back, again (pausing). Oh, she was saying, also, she needs to stay awake as a protector of herself.

G: Right, exactly.

Siddhananda: It's very ... I just see her club, ... she's gonna beat 'em off ... I mean ...

G: Yeah, no ... exactly. Yeah, that's what I mean, you don't get much sleep, because you are alone, and the men are not respectful of it. It's very dangerous to be a Sadhvi.

Siddhananda: She's getting very excited by this, and saying that she's happy to ...

Sadhvi: This is a life that so few even realize and know is out there. We are the keepers of faith.

G: Right. Are you the one that uses the staff, does the mantras, and infuses the lingas ... going into the town?

Siddhananda: She's getting excited about that.

G: Yeah, yeah.

Siddhananda: She's saying, it's not always her, but she knows that happens.

G: Yes, there are some that do the mantras, and they infuse it in. They go into the city, like once a year, and touch the linga and imbue it with life.

Siddhananda:  I see a fire now. It's her way of saying, "That's the fire. That's the creative spark, and without our sacrifice and austerity, people don't realize, that's where the fire of the heart is."

G: Exactly, exactly. They're what keeps the lingas activated in the temples, but most of the general populous doesn't know that. They think it's through the Brahmans, the ones that are doing the things in the temple, but it's not.

Sadhvi: Yes! She's right.

G: It's through the Sadhus. It's through the Sadhus that are doing the austerities.

Sadhvi: She's right. She's right, yes!

Siddhananda: I do see a big picture of a Brahman man. He's stuck in his ego.

Sadhvi: No, that's not right. That's not the way.

G: Exactly. They're not a Brahman.

Sadhvi: Yes.

G: They're not a knower of Brahman. They are not a Brahman.

Siddhananda: She doesn't feel like she wants to ask anything of you. She just wants to let you know that she's here, and wanted to speak for this beautiful tradition that has been soiled and know that there are some out there that are very [genuine].

G: There are some genuine [Sadhus]. I have run into a couple of genuine ones that I saw. When I was in Rishikesh, 99% of them were not genuine, but I did see a couple of genuine Sadhus that got up in the morning. They didn't ask for anything, they went in, and they did their mantras. They went out into the Ganges. They did everything they were supposed to do.

Siddhananda: She's getting excited. She's saying, "that's right."

G: Those are the ones you leave a donation for, and you say nothing to. They are not out there ... (extending her hand out like a beggar) ... bakshish, bakshish ... asking for anything.

Siddhananda: uh huh ... she's getting excited.

Sadhvi: That's right, and that's been me.

G: They were true Sadhus, yeah.

Sadhvi: That's been me, I feel.  I don't feel like I am female. I have walked that life like just a regular Sadhu, but you can call me a Sadhvi or Sadhu. But, I really had to defend myself in my path.

G: Exactly, exactly. I understand. There are very, very few genuine Sadhvis and Sadhus out there.

Siddhananda: I am getting an image of  ...  it's female, but  then it's kind of a male-female blending. So, she is saying, ...

G: Yeah , ardhanarishvara.

Siddhananda: Yeah, that is ardhanarishvara. That's what her heart is, that blending, and even though her body is female ...

Sadhvi:  ... why are people hurting me? Because I'm not ... I am not that.

G: Right, I'm not that form. I'm not that body.  I am that spirit.

Siddhananda: Yeah, she's getting excited. She's getting excited.

G: I am that ardhanarishvara. I am that. Yeah, I understand.

Sadhvi: And, that fire burns in all hearts.

G: Exactly.

Siddhananda: Why do you hurt me because I'm female?

G: Right, right ... well, there's a lot of ignorance still on the earth. That's all I can say (chuckling).

Siddhananda: Yeah, she knows.

G: It's just a lot of ignorance.

Siddhananda: She'll just continue with this tradition because it's where she's at and where her body is.

G: Perfect.

Siddhananda: She wanted to just tell you that she knows of this work. She's glad that there are others out there that walk in the ordinary society that are lights like this, because we need it everywhere. We're the same.

G: Exactly.

Siddhananda: So, she's saying, "We're the same, though. We're the same."

G: There's only single ... there's only one Brahman. It doesn't matter (gesturing to indicate all appearances in the mundane world).

Siddhananda: Yes, yes, she's getting very excited. She says, thank you with her staff, with her love, with her lingam and the unborn beauty.

G: Thank you and Namaste (gesturing namaste).

Siddhananda: Namaste (gesturing namaste).

G: Yes, there are a few Sadhvis that are doing the traditions, that are locked away. They're not doing so much of the hashish, the very strong [stuff].  

Siddhananda: People don't know, but, that's the reality. Thank goodness they are out there and doing their [work].

G: Yes, there are some genuine [ones], but, very very few.

Siddhananda: That's a hard life, and they're doing it to keep that flame going.

G: It is a very hard life. It's a lot of surrender and a lot of sacrifice, a lot of austerity. So, you really learn the hard way.

Siddhananda: Right.

G: Really, really have to learn the hard way.

Siddhananda: Right.

G: Yeah, challenging the ego with [this].